I've been clean for about 1.5 years now. Sure, I've dabbled in some lesser evils here and there, but nothing grabbed me as strongly as "MW" did. It started off as something to do with friends, but then I would just start doing it by myself. I was getting high all hours of the day, and when I wasn't getting high I was thinking about getting high. I'd decline going out and being social just so I could stay in my room. But over time I got bored with it, realized that I was missing out on life, and so cut myself off cold turkey. It burned at first but I managed, until the part of me that was so addicted seemed like a completely different person.
But now, it's all come undone. A more powerful, fresher version of "MW" has come out. MrB said to me "you don't seem all that anxious" and I wasn't. But then I got my first taste of it, and it reminded of years past. Instantly I was hooked. I told myself "only one hour, then I need to go do stuff." And I stuck to that. But then 9:30 rolled around, and I really didn't have anything to do. "One more hit, just to help me sleep," and so I went back for more. And now I can't stop thinking about it.
(It's funny how much I've been thinking about Modern Warfare 2 since last night, it almost started feeling like an addiction. Thus this post. I bet if I went through my gaming history, and found the times when I was really into multiplayer games - Call of Duty, C & C Generals, Counterstrike, etc - there would be a noticeable dip in my GPA for that time period, but also a dip in how much money I spent on going out and drinking. There's two sides to every coin.)
Mijn bed in Toronto.
2 weeks ago