Monday, November 24, 2008

The Name Game

As I sat in my hunting hut this weekend munching away on my candy bar I thought to myself, "Good lord, what a fraking weird ass name." Seriously, Butterfinger? Butterfinger is slang for someone who's clumsy, what the f does that have to do with a chocolate covered orange-crunched candy bar? And then I thought about all the names for candy bars. Not a single one makes a lick of sense.
  • Snickers - according to the Oracle, "In 1930, the Mars family introduced its second product, Snickers, named after one of their favorite horses." Oh, well that.....makes....sense? Next time you're mowwing down on a Snickers bar just think of the tiny bits of horse meat that are, no doubt, the main ingredient of "nougat."
  • Baby Ruth - made from the remains of the famed Yankees slugger, no doubt.
  • Kit Kat - Again from the Oracle, "Each bar consists of fingers composed of three layers of crème-filled wafer, covered in an outer layer of chocolate. Each finger can be snapped from the bar one at a time." Snapping fingers? Jesus, might as well just rename it "Torture Techniques of Cannibals Candy Bar."
  • Pay Day - This must stem back to the days when people were actually paid with peanuts?
  • Almond Joy - Ah, ok. This one actually makes some sense. But it's also a bold-faced lie. No one likes these things, thus they do not give joy. Unless given out to unsuspecting trick or treaters. Only one bite and they'll realize they've been had. Trick indeed, young ones!
  • 3 Musketeers - Ok, this one makes sense too. Originally they came in packages with Chocolate, Strawberry, and Vanilla. Why no one thought to name them Neapolitan, I'll never know. However, since 1945 they've only had one flavor, Chocolate! So it really should be 1 Musketeers. Which causes grammar aficionados to shudder.

And here is the lady who named all of the candy bars and what she thinks of us for second-guessing her choices.

Thanks Mrs. Nesbitt!


Ric said...


I heard the name Baby Ruth originated from Grover Cleveland's daughter.

And what about others like Twix, Skittles or Nerds?

MrB said...

I like almond joy... everyone does but you weirdo.

Chad said...

almond joy fucking sucks.

BLaZE said...

You already have a post titled "What's in a name?". When you were talking about pickles.

Just sayin.

PS. Butterfingers are supposed to be peanut butter flavored. So that right there is half your answer.

Gregor said...

Oh dear, that means I'm running out of witty titles for my posts....

I think it's time to retire.

Name changed!