- Snickers - according to the Oracle, "In 1930, the Mars family introduced its second product, Snickers, named after one of their favorite horses." Oh, well that.....makes....sense? Next time you're mowwing down on a Snickers bar just think of the tiny bits of horse meat that are, no doubt, the main ingredient of "nougat."
- Baby Ruth - made from the remains of the famed Yankees slugger, no doubt.
- Kit Kat - Again from the Oracle, "Each bar consists of fingers composed of three layers of crème-filled wafer, covered in an outer layer of chocolate. Each finger can be snapped from the bar one at a time." Snapping fingers? Jesus, might as well just rename it "Torture Techniques of Cannibals Candy Bar."
- Pay Day - This must stem back to the days when people were actually paid with peanuts?
- Almond Joy - Ah, ok. This one actually makes some sense. But it's also a bold-faced lie. No one likes these things, thus they do not give joy. Unless given out to unsuspecting trick or treaters. Only one bite and they'll realize they've been had. Trick indeed, young ones!
- 3 Musketeers - Ok, this one makes sense too. Originally they came in packages with Chocolate, Strawberry, and Vanilla. Why no one thought to name them Neapolitan, I'll never know. However, since 1945 they've only had one flavor, Chocolate! So it really should be 1 Musketeers. Which causes grammar aficionados to shudder.
And here is the lady who named all of the candy bars and what she thinks of us for second-guessing her choices.
Thanks Mrs. Nesbitt!