Friday, October 31, 2008

With These Hands Pt. 2


After completing that first house I stopped working for Kipper because of school and football going on. However, when summer came he asked if I would be interested in working with him again. I was a bit hesitant, given my last adventure with the crew, but the money was good and I didn't have another job lined up. It ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made.

(Just a little background: Kip's crew was in the business of home construction, and all aspects of it. Other than pouring concrete, electrical wiring, and plumbing, we did all the other parts of building a house. We'd put up the walls and roof, sheet and floor the house, put on shingles and siding, install windows and doors, drywall, mud, and paint the interior, and then finish by putting trim around the windows and doors. We also did remodeling of existing houses and re-shingling of old houses)

I was a bit of a noob for my first summer working with the guys. I was essentially a spare set of hands, helping hold things, fetching things, cutting things for other guys to put up, stuff like that. Eventually I was given more responsibility, but the lessons learned at this point were invaluable: namely that there's always someone on the bottom that needs to do the grunt work so the higher-ups can do the more precise work. The second summer I worked for Kip another guy was brought one, Michael. Mike was the same age as me and the nephew of Kip. But seeing how much more I knew than him after only 3 months on the job did wonders for my ego.

Another good thing I learned is that a good leader can take any person and turn them into a highly tuned master of practically anything. The people on Kip's crew were all related to him in some way: brothers, brothers-in-law, cousin, nephew (and then there was me.....). They were mostly farmers in their off hours, but after a few years of working with him they all could read blueprints and practically put up houses by themselves. Kip would get to the site early, layout what needed to be done, and then we'd be able to just fly through the day, because we were never short of work. This leads into the best thing I learned while doing construction: hard work is king. We'd work harder, better, and faster than any other crew, and because of this our estimates would be lower than almost anyone else, thus getting more jobs. It was a self-renewing cycle. Going from a private crew of construction workers to an on-campus crew of college kids the next summer was terribly jarring. Here I saw how the other side worked: take your time, stretch out a task for as long as you could, take naps when no one was looking, take an extra long lunch. I fought that mentality for as long as I could, pissing off some of my co-workers in the process, but eventually lack of work and boredom got the best of me. That's a story for another day, though.
Anyways, I'd have to say that one of my proudest days was when we finished a hard day of work on a job site to see just how much work we'd done in one day. We'd arrive on site to a blank concrete slab, and at the end of the day we'd have all the walls up. To see the physical manifestation of your sweat and effort is something severely lacking from my current job. Best part of the day would be sitting around underneath a newly started home while drinking a beer, shooting the shit and giving each other a hard time.

In my time with Kip I helped build from start to finish 8 houses, helped with probably 6 others, shingled a dozen roofs, remodeled 15 homes, and helped construct a meat factory. My mental transformation into a man wasn't the only change: I started to fill out during the summer, tanning to a dark brown from being out in the sun all day. I learned how to properly measure, hammer, cut, screw, brace, anchor, hang, and prep all aspects of a house (which would come in very handy the following years). But most of all, I spent time and learned from manly men, guys who would get up at 5 to milk cows, work 9 hours on a roof, then come home again to bail hay for 5 hours. Men who would hang over the edge of a 40 ft roof just to make sure the peak of a house was straight. So thanks Kip, Ed, Dennis, Randy, Scott, and Rick, I'll be raising a beer to you guys tonight.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

With These Hands Pt. 1

I talked to my dad the other night on the phone, and he said that he was making good headway on the shed that we had put up next to my parent's house. I went home a few weeks back to help put up the trusses, and then back again a few weeks later to help sheet and shingle the roof. My dad and uncle Gary own a lumberyard in my hometown Edgar, and before that it was owned by my grandpa Vic and his brother George. It got started by my great-grandfather Louis, back when him and his sons used to building Churches and public utility buildings back in the 50s and 60s. Eventually they had a large stockpile of extra materials like boards and nails, so they began selling it to other contractors in the area. Eventually they realized the need for a construction supplier in the area was rather important, so they got out of the business of constructing buildings and began supplying materials. Last year my Dad and Uncle celebrated 50 years of the company being open.

The point of all this? Home construction is in my blood. I had a little hammer and saw when I was a tike and would nail scrap 2x4's together for no reason, just to pound nails and occupy me when I was in the garage. The summer between junior and senior year my dad asked me if I wanted to help out a contractor friend of his in the afternoons after football practice. I said sure, because I could really use the money. So I started helping Kip with re-shingling an old house in Edgar. I was given a crash course on how to handle myself on the steep-ass roof, but my fear of heights kept me from being too adventurous. First we had to tear off two layers of old asphalt shingles, and then a layer of ancient ceder shingles. At first I enjoyed the smell of the ceder rising from the shingles, but when we started tearing them off I changed my mind in a hurry. Black soot and wood dust erupted everywhere with every shingle removed. At the end of the afternoon I looked like a chimney sweep. And every time I blew my nose for the next three days my boogers were black. Yum yum.

However, when we began putting the new sheeting and shingles on things got a little bit scary. After the sheeting is on the roof, you usually put down a layer of felt paper on the roof to keep moisture out. For added protection at the ends of the roof (where snow has a tendency to pile up in the winter) a black, self-adhering layer called Winter Guard is put on. It looks like this
Now, you have to pull the plastic off the adhesive side. What I didn't realize is that the plastic is like a Slip 'N Slide covered in KY Jelly: the shit is slippery. I accidentally slipped on the plastic, fell on my side, and began sliding down the roof. By the way, this was a three story house, and below us was a concrete sidewalk. The chances of me surviving this fall were good. The chances of me ever walking again after this fall were not. Kip saw me sliding to me doom and bounded down the roof after me, managing to grab my arm before I went over the point of no return. My legs were hanging over the roof to my knees. He hauled me back up, asked if I was ok, then sent me down the ladder and told me to just hang out down there. I sheepishly agreed, but even sitting on the ground down there my legs didn't stop shaking for 20 minutes. Eventually I got the courage to get back on the roof, but you bet your ass that I paid more attention to where I was walking from then on.
To be continued tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Hypocrite

So my esteemed friend Pickles stayed up until 4 AM Monday morning playing Guitar Hero, and was talking about being super tired at lunch on Monday. He was thinking that he should go home and take a nap, and I told him that was a bad idea. He'd be better off just staying awake and going to bed earlier to make up for it, otherwise he'd take a nap and then wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Cut to yesterday, when I was having the worst time trying to stay awake towards then end of the day. I got out of work early and had a headache, but still had a softball game later in the evening. So I got home, laid down for an 1.75 hour nap to recharge my batteries. I awoke feeling much better, went out and played the game, and came back home at around 10:00 PM. I got things ready for the next bed, talked to the 'rents, and hit the hay. And then laid there. For 45 minutes. My mind was going over everything in my archives, re-assessing the day and planning out things for the rest of the week. Sleep wasn't going to happen. Now it's 11:15. I finally concede defeat and get up to fold some laundry. And poop. 11:25. Still not tired. I clean up all my clothes on the floor, putting stuff in the laundry bag. 11:31. Start making a To Do list for the rest of the week. 11:40. Wide awake. Hang up my brand new Brewers pennet. 11:45. Man this sucks. Contemplate turning my computer back on to play Far Cry 2, but then decide to read Game Informer. Finally I find my "warm milk." I'm out by 12:14 am.

And so, never again will I attempt the midweek nap unless I wish to stay up until the wee hours of the morning. My apologies Mr. Pickles, I should have taken a dose of my own advice.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Does Not Compute


Man is washing out a soda can in the bathroom. My deduction skills kick in. What could he possibly be using that empty, washed out soda can for? Perhaps he wants to make one of these, except with Coke cans. Maybe he's OCD and feels the soda can must be clean in order for it to be recycled. Does he neatly place the finished cans in a pyramid on his desk and then knocks them all over when Friday comes? Oh, I know! He puts them on his desk and tries to smash them with his forehead. Or tapes them to his feet to appear taller. There are too many possibilities with a freshly cleaned 12 oz empty can of formerly refreshing Coke.

Monday, October 27, 2008

You are an Ice Pirate


Friday I went to my first Milwaukee Admirals game. I know practically nothing about hockey, and I hadn't heard anything good about the Admirals from Ivan, who attended a game last year. But I gotta say, I had an absolute blast. We got there right when a fight was breaking out on the ice, and then the Admirals scored right afterwards to get us excited from the start. We had prime seats, 8 rows up right at half court (half rink? half field? I know it's an ice rink, but it feels weird calling it half rink). The beer was flowing, there was lots of entertainment between the periods, with the highlights being a Merkt's cheese spread race (similar to the Sausage race at Miller Park), a giant slingshot that shot people on snow saucers into giant bowling pins, and then a freaking pirate ship came out on the ice and started shooting t-shirts into the stands. Not too shabby for a $14 ticket, though $7 beer hurts a bit. Just one more fun thing to do during the winter in Milwaukee.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Look Ma!

A very special edition of In The Fade today, folks. I brought in my digital camera and snapped some pics of my cube so you can see where the magic happens. And by "magic" I of course mean where write this blog. On to the pretty pictures!

So this is my desk area. It's fucking messy. I'll probably clean it up a bit after I'm done typing this up. I've got my dual monitors, box of crap, mirror, and schedules for softball and kickball on the right.



This is under my shelf on the left side. I've got a few phone numbers, pics of my nieces,and a button of my gf Hayden Panettiere (hey baby!). I don't think I've touched that cd on my desk since March. Kinda gross.



Here's the shelf directly above that. Left to right I've got my recycling bin (with one empty soda bottle, the only caffeine I've had at work in 6 months), a Packers 1997 Super Bowl football that Ross turns over everyday, Captain America, Aragorn, a Hot Wheels Porsche, and Jim Gantner with his paperclip bat. Behind that is my Greg St. sign I've had since I was 6, and cassette tapes of the soundtracks for the first two Turtle Movies. Sorry ladies, I'm already taken.


Here's my 2008 calendar. I mark off everyday, otherwise I never know the date. And my badass current desktop, the Tree Brains logo (which you can find here).



And here's my junk drawer. I've got two things of gum, my Zen, a Tide pen, contact solution, Chap Stick, hand lotion, fingernail clippers, change, a cloak for Aragorn (in case it gets cold in here), my spare belt, nose spray, hand sanitizer, another sanitizer thing, and a little first aid kit. I'm thinking about attaching all of the stuff to my belt and basically running around the building fighting crimes with my Batman-esque utility belt.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

*CRONCH CRUNCH CRONCH*


I had to eat by myself today at work. This isn't necessarily a big deal, in that I enjoy eating by myself most of the time. However, when you're eating at your desk in a quiet ass office building you begin to realize just how loud chewing is. Granted, I had some noisy food like kettle potato chips, pickles and turkey sammichs, but good lord I think someone replaced my teeth and mouth with a trash compacter. Perhaps a wood chipper. One thing my papa bear taught me was to masticate with my mouth closed, and I try to stick to that but the downside of that all that gnashing and crushing echoes throughout your pumpkin instead of being projected out for all to hear.
Thankfully the sounds of me sobbing partially covered up the chewing symphony.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wait, What Did She Say??

The English language truly is a marvelous thing. My example for today is the word "horror." An innocent enough word, but when you say it aloud it takes on a different meaning. Say out loud "We should go to the House of Horrors." Or perhaps "In honor of Halloween, I wish I could find a place that was full of horrors."

Oh, the horror!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Practically Naked


I forgot a belt again today. The funny thing about forgetting to wear a belt is that it feels like I'm only wearing a belt. Because everyone looks down there, and then up at me, shaking their heading, or giggling about how small and shriveled it is.
Wait, what was I talking about again?
Oh yeah, not wearing a belt. To remedy the situation I will be bringing a spare reversible belt for emergency purposes, thus continuing to turn my top drawer into the work version of my home junk drawer.

No Time

My life is about to be bombarded with so much stuff going on, it's kind of scary. And by "stuff" I of course mean "video games." Coming out in the next 2 months are no less than 7 video games that deserve to be purchasing and playing (plus I still need to finish GTA IV). The good thing about winter is that it's nice to curl up on the couch and game for hours on end, but holy goodness this is going to get expensive. Luckily I share an apartment with 2 other games who impulsively buy games, so with any luck they'll be buying some of these too. Here's the list
  1. Fable 2
  2. Guitar Hero: World Tour
  3. Fallout 3
  4. Quantum of Solace
  5. Mirror's Edge
  6. Call of Duty: World at War
  7. Left 4 Dead

And here I thought I'd be saving money this winter by not going out as much...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Spreading the Word

I am by no means a movie maestro. I see quite a few movies, but not an insane amount. But what I do like doing is finding little gems of movies that kinda slip under the radar or bomb at the box office for various factors and being a champion for said movie. I found the special red band for a movie called called Sex Drive this summer (click here for the trailer), and instantly knew I wanted to see the movie in the theatre. I love love love teen comedies; they bring me back to the carefree days of high school of not giving a shit, driving around like lunatics and trying to get girls. And this looks like a movie in the same vein as Roadtrip, American Pie, and Can't Hardly Wait. I saw Sex Drive last night in the theatres, and Erica and myself were 2 of 5 people watching the movie. And you know what? It was great! I was laughing my ass off the whole time! If you like these things you'll love Sex Drive:
  • Hot girls
  • Jail
  • Sex jokes
  • fast cars
  • Underage drinking
  • The Amish
  • James Marsden (who really deserves to be a bigger star, the guy has been phenomenal in every movie I've seen him in)
  • Seth Green
  • Sarcasm
  • Giant donut suits
  • Dildos
  • Cornfields
  • Purple Soda

This movie has a ton of great one-liners too, mostly all delivered by this man. Clark Duke definitely has the potential to be a big star (he's got a video thing here with Michael Cera from Arrested Development and Superbad). Look, fall is officially the wasteland for movies. What other movie are you gonna go to the theatres to laugh at, Beverly Hills Chihuahua? Because if you actually pay to see that movie I will slap you silly. Seriously, go see Sex Drive, you will not regret it.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Give a Little Bit


I think it's something that gets ingrained in you as a little kid. There's this truth that you're a citizen of the world, and in order for it to be a functioning place those that can make a difference for the better should. My mom got me started on this when I was younger, from being a Big Buddy in high school (basically a Big Brother/Big Sister organization through our school) and giving blood, and then into into college when I was involved with Habitat for Humanity. Last summer it was helping sort clothes for a clothing drive for foster kids. The fact is that volunteering and helping out less fortunates is something in my life that I can look back on and be proud of, but it's amazing how many people don't share the same feelings. Why? Why is it so hard to get people to donate some money or a little time for a good cause? This bugs me to no end. We've got an event coming up at work for the United Way of Milwaukee in which I was informed that they only raised $500 last time. There are over 600 people in my department who could have donated. Math coming atcha, that's only like 83 cents per person. You cheap hosers couldn't even cough up a dollar a piece?!? Ugh. Look, let me break it down for you: Doing things for those less fortunate is a two-way street, in that you do something good for humanity for once and chances are it makes you feel better about yourself. And there are charities out there for every possible interest in the world. Do you like video games? Then give to Child's Play, which donates video games and systems to kids in Hospitals. Enjoy cars? Fix one up and donate it to Rawhide Boys Ranch. Donate blood! Donate toys! Here's a great place to match yourself with a charity.

Life is far too short to be a selfish jerk, ya know? So for once, stop thinking about yourselves and what makes you happy, and instead think about the greater good. Some of the best moments in my life have come from helping other people out.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Megafauna

"State works to restore furry, ferocious martens" was a headline that caught my eye this morning on JSonline. So I clicked on the article, only to be greeted with a fantastic quip:
How fierce are they? One researcher contends that if martens were as big as
black bears, there would be no humans living in the North Woods.

Abbbbwhhaaaaat? Martens, which look like this (or is it this?) would actually be the size of this:


Holy crap! Can you imagine that?? It would be like the times before that goon Columbus came over and white people went crazy killing everything with 2+ legs. We wouldn't be the top animal on the planet anymore! Huge martens, roaming the northwoods tearing up anyone foolish enough to venture into their domain. Until of course the Canadians found a way to tame the 600 lb martens and used THEM for mounted cavalry when they attempted to invade America after we go down in flames. I, for one, welcome our giant marten riding Canadian overlords.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Downside of Globalization

These little buggers. I hates them. It seems they've become more and more prevalent the past few years. I remember tearing off siding at my summer time job and just choking on how many dead Asian beetles would come shooting out. According to this website, the beetles were brought in to control pests of pecans and apples down in the South, but they've spread everywhere (my brother said they were out in South Dakota last week). When we were working on the shed this weekend they were constantly trying to fly in my mouth and shirt, biting and bugging the crap outta me. Go away! Stay out of our buildings!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Randomings

*Shuffle*
The Sneeze is a great blog I happened to StumbledUpon the other day. The best place to start on there is Steve, Don't Eat It! where Steve proceeds to buy all manner of gross shit at the store and eats it, describing the taste and such. I don't recommend reading it right before lunch, but it's funny, and rather disturbing. Dude drinks his wife's breast milk, for Allah's sake.
Speaking of food, last week I had Colombian cuisine for the first time. And today for lunch I'm going to Tandoor for my first try at Indian food. As if my insides doesn't hate me enough the way it is.
*Shuffle*

This still cracks me up.


Bees. My God.

I don't think you can use the term "My God" without coming off as a Soap Opera star. Sorry Batman.

*Shuffle*

When I was at the stoplight of a major intersection this morning I saw a furry creature scampering amongst the cars. Sure enough, a muskrat from the nearby pond decided it was his day to die. Miraculously he made it through the whole intersection without getting creamed, then proceeded to investigate the rims of a car by sticking his head inside of it. After that I couldn't see him, but I'll check for a blood stain on my way home. Unfortunately all it did was remind me of this.

*Shuffle*

After 6 months of having practically no one by my cube other than Jesse it appears that people will be moving in very soon. This is very disheartening. How am I supposed talk to spend all my time on humor websites laughing at goofy pictures if I'm constantly being told to "keep it down" and "don't you ever do work?" I feel my style shall be severely cramped.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

It's 5 AM...


There's a commercial on 102.1 Alternative Rock that's been playing for the last 6 or 7 months now, and it drives me crazy. It's for PC Pro Schools, which promises to take all our money, get you Microsoft certified and set you up with a temp job doing Helpdesk work. However, the commercials are the most annoying thing in the world. They are overplayed, to the point where I will hear them at least once a day on my commute...and immediately turn the station to something else. Isn't that the OPPOSITE of what they want? I thought I was the only one that was getting bugged by the commercials only to find out that Jesse and Andy felt the same way. Fast forward to last week: Andy comes in informing us that during the segment "People Helping People be People," 3 different callers commented on how annoying those commercials were, that they were overplayed, etc. The cult of hate is spreading! And it was brought up AGAIN this week, which Kramp and Addler promptly hung up on the caller. We're trying to send a message, guys! I understand that PC Pro Schools have basically paid both your salaries this year with how much money they've thrown into this ad campaign, but ask them to change up the commercial once a month, or play different ones. It's f'n annoying.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It All Falls Down


I think one of the best things about Wisconsin is the seasons. No matter what time of year there's always something to do, most of the time being exclusive to the season. Fall is an interesting limbo between Summer and Winter, in that it's warm enough to do lots of things outside, but it's also nice to be inside catching up on things you didn't have time for during the summer. Some of the best things I've found to do during the Fall include:
  • Watch a football game, whether it's a college or NFL game on TV or actually going to a high school game. Fall is the season for Football.
  • Curl up with a book and a cup of hot apple cider.
  • Catch up on all those video games you've been neglecting all summer long.
  • Walk through the woods when the leaves are falling.
  • Carving pumpkins.
  • Prepping for Halloween, including decorating the house.
  • Indulging in some fine fall beers.
  • Drives through the country side to check out the leaves changing colors.
  • Disc golfing, touch football, anything to get outside and enjoy the smell of the leaves.

Sure, a lot of people grumble that "It'll probably snow next week," but the truth is that fall is a great time of the year to get out and enjoy the great state we live in.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Things I Love #6: Cover Songs


It dawned on me last night when I was driving home from work. I was flipping through the stations when I heard "Band on the Run" by The Wings came on the radio. But it sounded....different. It took about 30 seconds into the song before I realized it was a cover. Aha! Foo Fighters have covered it, and done a beautiful job if I do say so myself. The art of covering songs is pretty hit or miss. Sometimes they sound great, to the point where they're even better than the original. Other times they can stink up the joint like a lingering beer fart. I'm especially a fan of when a famous band covers a well-known song while adding their own spin on it. It even makes you appreciate the original more. New Found Glory has two albums where they cover songs from mostly 80s movies, and more recently Glen Campbell (yes, he of "Rhinestone Cowboy" fame) covering a variety of songs in his distinctive Western style. It's the goods.

Here's some of my fave cover songs:

  • "All Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix, originally Bob Dylan
  • "Love Song" by 311, originally The Cure
  • "Hurt" by Johnny Cash, originally Nine Inch Nails
  • "With a Little Help from My Friends" by Joe Cocker, originally The Beatles
  • "Baker Street" by the Foo Fighters, originally Gerry Rafferty
  • "Shout" by Disturbed, originally Tears for Fears
  • "Higher Ground" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, originally Stevie Wonder
  • "Billie Jean" by Chris Cornell, originally Michael Jackson
  • "Respect" by Aretha Franklin, originally Otis Redding
  • "I Will Survive" by Cake, originally Gloria Gaynor
  • "Hotel California" by the Gipsy Kings, originally the Eagles
  • Anything by Richard Cheese
This list is amazing, I didn't even realize that half of the songs were covers! When I get home tonight I'll add videos for all those songs up there so you can listen to the difference between the artists.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Down in Flames

Face it, we're fucked. This is how an article in Newsweek describes our current financial situation: "The implosion of America's most storied investment banks. The vanishing of more than a trillion dollars in stock-market wealth in a day. A $700 billion tab for U.S. taxpayers. The scale of the Wall Street crackup could scarcely be more gargantuan." This is not good. Have no fear, good readers of In The Fade. I will help both of you (yes, both!) through these tumultous times. The first thing you should do is get fired. Yes, right now. Start collecting Unemployment. It's actually more money than you'd think it would be. Next, you need to sell all of your unnecessary items. That big screen tv? Your dvd collection? Sell it all. You won't have time for it anyways.

Now you need to stock up on the essentials: guns and ammunition. Maybe a sword. Definitely a multi-purpose ax, one that can handle chopping through wood and undead skulls. "Undead skulls?" you may ask yourself. "I thought this was about surviving the upcoming depression we soon face." Well let me break the timeline down for you:


  1. 12/5/08 - Stock Market Completely Crashes, kiss your investments adios
  2. 1/16/09 - Canada Invades the US, years of playing hockey and riding moose (mooses?) have turned them into swarthy warriors akin to Vikings of old
  3. 1/17/09 - US is declared Southern Canada. Sarah Palin named Governor of the whole gosh darn thing, dontcha know
  4. 2/29/09 - Resistance forces unleash zombie virus, expecting it to only effect the Canadians. George Romero does a facepalm
  5. 8/2/09 - 90% of North America population is zombified. (That 10% remaining? Well that's gonna be us. Obv.)
  6. 9/15/09 - 77% of World Population is zombified


So that's why you'll need the ax. Anyways, take your unemployment money and buy a 1990 Ford Aerostar. A finer vehicle has never been birthed. Next you should find a nice patch of dirt in a woods and start digging: You're going to need a bomb shelter, for when those Canadians storm our borders on their Moose Cavalry. (Yes, that's how big they are. I'm scared also.) Stock up on food, blankets, and hot sauce. Zombies hate hot sauce. It makes their buttholes burn, just like you and me. Ok, so you've got this bomb shelter loaded up with all the essentials. So you seal the door (after printing out a copy of this, right?), but now what? What the hell are you going to do until the zombie population dies down enough to heroically rise from the bomb shelter to lead humanity in it's darkest hour? Workout, obviously. You're in terrible shape. You could hardly outrun a toddler, much less a starving zombie (that used to be T.O., no doubt. "Des hommes des fer" means "I'm gonna catch you, eat you, then pull a pen out of my jersey and sign your skull" in German, I'm pretty sure). So basically spend the next year doing pushups, situps, squats, etc, until you are a well tuned killing machine. And then, on Z-Day, hop into your souped up Ford Aerostar (with optional power windows) and head out to purge the world of those undead fartknockers. I'll meet you at Mount Rushmore on July 4th, 2010 to celebrate our victory.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Do Not Disturb


For once I'd like to go take a deuce here at work and NOT have the cleaning lady knock on the door midway through. Lady, you just cleaned the place 1 hour ago, it doesn't need to be inspected that often. We're not shitting on the walls in here, for Pete's sake. Going to the bathroom is like a mini-vacation for me in the middle of the day. And when you come in there going "housekeeping!" you seriously throw off my chi. There's nothing pleasant about rushing a poop. Not a darn thing. Even my attempts of going up 2 floors, where the bathroom is mostly vacant, have led to many a interrupted bathroom break. I really don't ask for much: 10 minutes of solitude on the throne, that's it!

*le sigh*

Thursday, October 2, 2008

This Will Help

Are you having one of those days? Where you've got a problem that you just can't figure out. Perhaps you're stumped on how you should start writing that big term paper that's coming up. Well have no fear, you're not alone.

Hulk knows exactly how you feel.

(Thanks to BeacoupKevin(dot)com for the pic...and the idea. I just basically "pirated" it from him)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Across the Bar

I was surprised to see you at that bar. I heard you were in town, and I honestly thought I'd run in to you sooner, but I guess the stars were aligned that night. I indulged in a few others before I finally got up the courage to approach you. You felt so good in my hands, your smell intoxicating. You touched my lips, and I knew what I had been missing over all these years.

I had fallen in love.

With a beer.

Schlitz recently started making it's "Classic 1960s formula" again, and as a beer aficionado I was intrigued by "The Beer that Made Milwaukee Famous." These three articles do a much better job of talking about the beer, and this summer's shortage than I ever could. Regardless, I really enjoyed my first pitcher of "old" Schlitz, and look forward to diving into it again soon.